A BRIDGE TOO FAR?
People ask me, “why can’t you drive over bridges?”. In 2007-2008, I drove myself to Capilano University a few times a week and even though I was experiencing uncomfortable generalized anxiety driving on the transcanada to and from, I pushed my way through.
Some time in early 2010 I had a major panic attack while driving over the Port Mann bridge. I had to pull over after going over it. My heart was racing, I had tunnel vision, I was hot and flushed, my body was shaking. I was scared! After I regained my composure or the best it was going to get, I continued my drive. The next time I had to drive over the Port Mann I started to anticipate a panic attack. Then I started anticipating panic attacks on all bridges. I started avoidance behaviour and stopped driving over bridges and started having people drive me over them.
Panic attacks happen when your emotional coping tank is overflowing. There was a lot of “not good” things going on in my life, that coupled with my unresolved CAF Trauma made the perfect climate for my PANIC Attacks. After many many years I started to address my trauma and the “not good” and seek profesh help in 2016. I’ve come a long way, baby! I’m not out of the woods yet. Those woods are thick! 2 years ago I started my exposure therapy journey to get my life back and to obtain freedom to drive myself over the bridge. My world is very small and I needed help. I made some progress albeit very slow. I had a setback in January 2020 and stopped my exposure therapy.
My goal is to be okay with slow progress and to keep healing. I’m tenacious. I’m strong. I am an overcomer! Get it…an overcomer…I want to resume exposure therapy once Covid is gone.
*Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter your sense of security, making you feel helpless in a dangerous world. Psychological trauma can leave you struggling with upsetting emotions, memories, and anxiety that won’t go away. It can also leave you feeling numb, disconnected, and unable to trust other people.